I love my mom so much. Every day of my life I wish I could hear her laugh, listen to her talk, watch as she smiles; every day of my life I wish I could talk back to her, frustrate her, ignore her call, or embarrassingly add her to my social media pages. Every day of my life I wish I could remember without photos or (limited) videos the sound of her voice or the contours of her beautiful face.
I lost my mom 24 years ago when I was 4-years-old. I have thought about her every day since.
I want to make my mom proud, I want her to be remembered, I do not want her to die in vain. I have been told that she was such an amazingly funny and delightful woman; she cared about everyone around her, she was quick-witted, she was loving, and she made the world a better place when she was in it. It pains me to admit that I hate talking about her, hearing stories makes me sad, reliving my limited memories makes me cry, and discussing it with others embarrasses me and makes me feel like an outsider. I feel awkward as hell writing this, and I know most people will never read it. I usually run/walk this event alone, and I am trying to reach out...for my mom. So people remember her. I do not want the attention or the applause from others. I simply want my mom to be remembered, to be known.
Even as I write this, I recognize that I will likely not invite anyone other than my girlfriend to join me this year. Like all past years, I will likely refrain from asking for donations. Like most years past, I probably won't tell anyone I am even participating in this event. I just don't know. Baby steps.
I participate in this run/walk every year because of the pure evil that ovarian cancer represents. I run/walk every year because there is no cure for ovarian cancer...hell, testing for it can cause more harm than good! Ovarian cancer remains one of the most morbid and deadly diseases because it is such a stubborn beast - one that kills beautiful mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, friends, girlfriends, and wives. I walk/run to bring awareness to this hateful disease. I walk/run because I want to raise money for a cure. I walk/run because I want to raise money for an early detection test. I walk/run so that all mothers, sisters, daughters, cousins, aunts, friends, girlfriends, and wives recognize the ugliness of this disease; so that those women talk to their doctor and come to understand the symptoms they must look out for.
I love my mom so much. Her name is Jaqueline B. Perlman. She is in my thoughts always. I still do strive every day to make her proud. She will never be forgotten.
My mom is the most wonderful person I never got to know. I love her with all of my being.
Thank you for reading, and thank you for joining me to break the silence on ovarian cancer.